No Rain No Flowers 🌸 🌺 🌼

Real Time Post

I’ve been struggling for a little while with my health again and if I’m honest I’m starting to let it affect me. Usually I’m okay and I can make jokes about how I’m always at the doctors or how my body is broken but recently it’s been getting to me. Writing about my journey in these blog posts helps me, if no one else, so I thought I’d write about it and hopefully I can pick myself up. I know that a lot of people with coeliac disease and hypothyroidism or any other autoimmune disease go through similar struggles so if that’s you then you’ll be able to relate and take something positive from this post.

I always have periods of not feeling well and it always takes a while for me to start to feel better but this time has just got to me. So bare with me while I have a little rant and I’ll be back to my positive self by the end of this post. This current period of illness started around the end of November with a throat infection which still seems to be lingering coming up to two months later. I’ve also been experiencing really bad joint pains where my body is constantly sore and on top of that I have three mouth ulcers and I’m extremely tired. This is a usual flare up with hypothyroidism and happens regularly.

It’s really starting to affect me, mentally, I just haven’t felt like myself for a couple of weeks now and it can be very hard to deal with, a lot of people don’t understand how it feels to have an autoimmune disease, this being the main reason I started this blog. I hope I can create a place to help people with similar health issues and show them they’re not alone. I know I would have loved that especially when I was first diagnosed. I’m lucky to have a met a very close friend, that also has hypothyroidism and having someone to rant to who understands really means a lot. They understand the feeling of wanting so badly to be active and get things done but your body doesn’t let you, the feeling of urging yourself to move when you need to get yourself ready for work but the slow movements (which is a symptom) mean you can’t go as quick as you want to. They understand the brain fog that causes you to make stupid mistakes that sometimes you can’t afford to make and of course the pain. The body pain, the stomach pain and everything else that comes in the package.

When you get a flare up, your head goes in to overdrive. Have I accidentally eaten gluten? Am I having a thyroid flare up? Or is there something else I need to worry about? These are things that flood your mind along with all the other anxious thoughts. For a naturally awkward person you’d think I could do without two conditions that cause anxiety!. When it comes to making plans I often find I have to force myself to go out, as I can’t bare to let anyone down again. I put on a brave face when I feel like this but really inside I’m struggling. Quite often, I look like I’m fine from the outside but really I’m holding back the tears from how sore my body is. I’m 22 years old yet I feel like an 80 year old. I get exhausted so quickly and I know that it looks like I’m being lazy to other people, they just don’t understand my tired and their tired are two different things. I don’t feel like theres enough awareness about it but hopefully thats something we can change.

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My normal self would be able to do anything she wanted on her days off but now they seem to be used for charging up my body to be able to go to work. As much as I love having plans with family and friends I’m starting to get anxiety in the days leading up to those plans incase my body doesn’t want to let me go and enjoy it. Even a meal out can make me feel like I’ve done a marathon on no sleep so as you can imagine it creates this feeling of dread for not being able to enjoy plans.

Anxiety is a big reason for this post, I know it’s something I really need to work on because it’s the main reason I’m feeling this way. I’m starting to feel as though my health is holding me back from my career as well as everything else. I’m seeing everyone in my industry doing so amazingly well for themselves and I can’t help but think what if I’m not fit for the career I love and have so much passion for anymore? I recently decided to take a career break from hairdressing for various reasons (my health not being one) with the plan to do hair on one of my three days off, to keep myself in the industry I love however one client a day is burning me out and I feel like it’s taking me days to recover so how can I go back, would I even be able to?

I am having a sad day about it all, as I write this and I’m not looking for sympathy I just want to use this blog to document my health journey as it’s not always positive. We’re only human at the end of the day but hopefully that’s what makes it real and can help people see they’re not on their own. As my sister said to me you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain,which is so true! I sometimes just wish it would get a little easier but I know it will eventually.

It’s hard to process but I know my health journey isn’t over yet. I’m using this year to work on myself and get my health to the best it possibly can be. I’m going to use that positive mental attitude and I will get my health back and I will go back to the career I love I just need to be patient. Patient but proactive in my journey to getting better. I’ve got this 👊

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If you’re in a similar situation to me you’re not alone, a lot of people with autoimmune diseases feel the same but it will get better and if you’re really struggling always talk to someone I promise it will help, never suffer alone. Your mental health is just as important we have to look after it the way we look after our bodies. I hope this helps in some way.

Wishing you all positive vibes x